XXserinetyXX

first of i would like to thank everyone who did support me(all those who just left me, go cry in the corner)

i will be moving to my other account because i feel that this account is a failure and a shame.
i have many un-active watchers that i don't want. i want to keep this short with the information about my swap.

i will move some of my plans to the other account like the manga will stay but some drawing i made will be thrown in the trash can.
my points i will send to that account.
oc-dreamland will now be leaded by that account and not this one, if everything goes wrong i will close the group and hopefully creat a new one when everything is right again.

for those who are still active but don't know my other account, please message me and i will link you.
i will be gone from this account on 25/11/2012 12:00 my time.
if you aren't watched on my other account by then i will not consider you an active watcher and will most likely forget about you, i know that sounds cruel but i really am not that good with my memory of people.

again thank you for all the support and i hope to see most of you on my other account.

my insomnia got worse.....
a lot worse.
yesterday i slept for midnight to 1:37(around half to 2 in the morning) and that's the worse it has been, the last two months my normal sleep turned to about 3 to(maybe) 4 hours.
i also had more nightmares than usually, it used to happen 4 times a week, now it's whenever i sleep i have a nightmare(not as bad as the one i shared with you but still bad) even if it's just a short amount of time.
i really don't know what to do, my doctor already told me he couldn't do much about last year(i went multiple times with the same story that got worse) no sleep pills, no tests, no anything. he said i should grow out of it, however i don't think so, i had this problem since i was 6.

since back then, it changed a lot, at 6 i used to have a lot of deja vu, i would dream what was going to happen the day after that.
when i was 8 i dreamed that this play tool thing on the school playground would crash down, i didn't do much about it(i don't remember seeing people on it in the dream) but when i was 12(i think might have been 11, not sure) the thing crashed down, i was away that time(we had a test outside the school) and i told this girl i was cycling with "i think something happened at school." she was like: no can't be. and when we were close to school i said "that stair-thing on the playground crashed down when someone got of, watch out when we get there, we will only be able to see what happened after a little because there will be a huge dust cloud." and when we got there all we saw was a bust cloud, when that cleared up the girl was like what the hell she was right.

now every dream i have is a lot of death and rape, funny thing, i have never seen a dead person or rape.
as for the sleep problem, i just don't know, i go to bed at 9 to fall asleep around midnight and wake up at crazy hours in the morning to get out of bed at 7.

if anyone can help me please do, this is effecting me way to much, i almost fell asleep in class today(the teacher called me to read out loud, however i was just staring at my book very far away in dreamland not hearing a thing) also i have a case of tinnitus(sucks as well, i keep getting headaches)

guy this was so terrifying, normally i don't really get scared but fear lord that was awful

i had this nightmare, now normally when i have a nightmare all that happens is everyone dies but this time it was like....
you know what i'm just going to write it very blankly:

i was just walking with someone (i never met the guy) we cross a bridge to a desert like place with one cafe in the middle with behind it this large building that looked like a hotel.
so me and the guy go in the cafe where we are greeted by an old man(around the 40 years old, i find that an age where you can say "i'm getting old") he wasn't the only one there, there was this little girl that looked around the age of 7 with long brown hair on a couch. so we sit down drink something and just talk, the man leaves to get something and the little girl silently whispers: "run while you still can." we just sit there and, you know how some kids like to play games, we thought she was one of those kids so we stayed. the man stayed away for some time and the girl just kept saying that we had to run, so the guy walks over to the girl to ask about it however he doesn't say anything, he just pet her on the head and walks back over to me and is like: "we have to leave now, this man is up to no good, i'm sure he is keeping this girl against her will."
of course sweet me, i don't wanna leave the girl because i'm afraid something might happen to the girl.

i walk over to the girl and see she is chained to the couch. i don't know why but i remember a feeling like she was crying.
so that man comes back stands in the doorway, we don't notice him(we were still with the girl) and he shoots at us, he missed(thank god) but shot the chain holding the girl breaking it.
we turn around and see him with a SHOTGUN(honestly where did he get that thing from, normal people DON'T keep a guy in there house here in the netherlands) so he tells us we shouldn't talk to the girl as she never talks anyway. we back off and go sit at the previous spot and order another drink.
the man leaves to put the gun away and walks further away probably to the hotel in the back. the guy i was with tels me to go to the door as he gets the girl. there was still a part of the chain stuck on her leg as the man only shot a small part of it. so we run, the guy was apparently dumb as hell because he ran in the direction of the front door of the hotel, luckily for us there were a few horses there, now i have you know that i have never even touched a horse, however we get on the horses, the guy takes the girl on the horse with his and i know exactly how to ride a horse, what the hell, i don't even know the basics about horseback-riding.(note that we have been there awhile like, a week or two however what happens that time is kinda not appropriate to be on DA without a warning and you can't put those in journals)
so we start riding back the way we came from the bridge(note: it's a rope bridge, one that you can break by just cutting the two main ropes)
but the man again came out with that bloody shotgun and follows us on a horse trying to shoot us down, we are a pretty far distance away from him, we cross the bridge again but this time the guy jumps off the horse and becomes smart, he cuts the ropes gets back on the horse and we start going again without the guy following us, he does try shooting us but after awhile we got out of site.

so we go to the police and tell everything that happened and where it happened, however they don't believe us and ask the girl, who doesn't say anything to them, not even to me and the guy anymore.
they don't make it a case to work on and the tree of us live in fear.
from this point it's kinda blank but when i did dream the rest i was in the hotel at the back of the cafe.
at this point my brain is literally freaking out, in my dream i'm just thinking like "holy sh** what is this hell".
in that hotel i was in a big room filled with beds and other girls, like 26 of em of the ages between 6 and 19, i look to my left and see the guys disembodied-head next to me, like holy ship, who does that, thats bloody crazy.
so freaking out, screaming my lungs out, this lady(17 or so, older than my that was for sure) comes up to me hugs me and is like: "thank you, now at least amber can see her parents again, i'm very sorry about you sacrifice though, and your friend's." so by this point i know the little girl was named amber.
now some more days of inappropriate content,
in those days you could see the room get less crowded and by the end of 3 months there were only me, the lady and a girl of 6 years old.
by this point i know the lady was named jade and the 6 years old is named carly.
the man left us alone for a week.
he came in with a gun(donno what kind) locks the door and walks over to us, we are scared to death!
he points the gun to carly and kills her, we are screaming again as he points the gun at me.

now i woke up screaming and sweating cold, honestly i'm scared to the point i can't even watch the news without being scared that there is going to be an article about missing girls in between the age of 6 and 19.
i'm scared to death.

if you did read all of this, thank you, i really needed that off my chest, i know it's long but it really was too much for me.
i hope i never have a nightmare like this again, i slept from 22;39(last time a checked) to 6;00(my clock said 7 but i still need to set it an hour back)

i hope i get some sleep tonight, i have two exams tomorrow and i need to be at least half awake(normally i can take a day with little to no sleep but with that nightmare i'm not so sure)

god i hate this, let us all pray that little girls will not get kidnapped by anyone like that disgusting man.

something bad happened today.
i got home, one of my cats runs out and normally this would be fine
this time how ever my mom send me after her,

later she told me that our other cat(daughter of the first one) was at the vet(dierenarts, animal doctor)
she found her at our door step, weak and nearly dead.
she didn't have any wounds or broken bones so the only other options are that she had an infarct or she was poisoned.
they gave her something for the shock but don't know anything else.

they're calling us tonight saying how she is doing and if we can get her or not.
also our street has a history with cats and dogs getting poisoned, my mom solved that.
this man would pee outside, buck down and walk away, when he buck down, he would put down these berries that cats and dogs would eat and get very sick of them.

i hope our cat will do better soon.
also i computer is almost dead, i can't have more than 1 flash player on or more than 4tabs, i can't draw, i can't do much now, but not to worry, i'm getting a new one and sell this one

my life is AWESOME
yesterday we had gym and at the end of the lesson (20 minutes left) we started playing a game of trow-a-ball-run-from-ball as some like to call it.
now there are these two boys in my class that don't care and trow at max speed, one of them was on the other team and i was sure he was the first to get hit but he still had a ball. that ball he had, he threw it as hard as he could in the direction of my HEAD, it felt like i got hit with a ton of bricks! so i just stood there, looking trough my long bangs(i have very long bangs and when i stumbled back they got in front of my eyes) with an empty head, i didn't even see my friend coming my direction(to help me) until she talked to me. so i remained dizzy for the rest of the day and went to bed early too try and sleep it of. it worked a little but my head is still a little fuzzy and i forgot some names nothing massifly important.

so i might just have forgotten what your name is but i'm sure i'll get it back soon, i mean last time i forgot stuff i got it back in 3 to 5 days. not my first memory-loss (that i still don't have everything back from) so i know what i can do to get names back(go look at things on everything i have, DA, facebook, hyves and everything else)